Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
