My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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