i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
