I wish I only lived at night.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
