the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
