After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
