Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
