singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
