i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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