i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
