batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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