I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
