update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I did not marry a roomba.
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