that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
