i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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