I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
