I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
