nut hugger
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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