btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
