It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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