Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
