weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
