Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
