We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
