i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
