I'm drive I can fine osifer
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
