Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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