def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
