You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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