Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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