My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
