Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
