she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
