Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
FUCK WHALES
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
