I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
