I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
