btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I want her autograph on my taint
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
