Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Fuck appropriateness.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
