Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
