WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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