I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
