When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
