who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
