he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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