I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
