I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
