Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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