Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
