im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
