While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
