Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
