You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
