Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
A+ Viking dick
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
